A Permanent Solution to a Temporary Problem
By:
Mahla Wood, MA, LPC, CAC I
Gary Wood, MSW

      Suicide can be interpreted as a solution to a problem.  What is the problem?  The problem is unbearable pain; or more specifically, unbearable emotional pain.  For teenagers, this is especially true.   Adolescence is a time of upheaval, change and transition physically, socially, mentally and spiritually.  Change is itself stressful.  When a young person has suicidal ideation (thoughts about suicide), as many do from time to time, it is always associated with emotional pain.

      Emotional pain is a part of the human condition, but adolescents don't have much experience in managing their emotional pain. Painful emotions and thoughts of rejection, unworthiness, despair, anxiety, fear, low self esteem, guilt and shame are experienced by the suicidal adolescent as "forever."   They feel emotional pain is unbearable and will never go away.

      Suicidal adolescents have deep emotional pain that is felt with exquisite sensitivity.  We know that the teenager contemplating ending his or her life rarely talks to an adult about their troubles and emotional pain.  They will almost always talk to another teenager first.   So, what we tell teenagers is that when a peer talks about "ending my life",  "I can't go on anymore," or "life isn't worth living," these are telltale signs of danger.  GET HELP for your friend.  Most teenagers have a code of silence.   Telling is ("narcing") on a friend.  The best response to that is, "Losing a friend by seeking help is better than losing a friend by death."

      Emotional pain is endemic to this culture.  Isolation, competition, broken families, drugs and alcohol are all contributors to emotional pain.  Many professionals and adults seem to think, "Oh, he or she was just seeking attention" when a young person attempts or threatens suicide.  A better way to look at it is that, Suicide is their solution to unbearable emotional pain.  Therefore, we need to ask the following questions:  What is at the root of the emotional pain?   "Why would the young person choose this solution?"  "What changes are needed to reduce the risk?"  "Could this happen again?"   We know that even after a suicide attempt, risk remains high for another attempt, if the issues and problems leading up to this desperate action are not addressed. 

The following are important points to remember:

• Take all threats of hurting oneself or killing oneself as real and serious.

• Drug and alcohol use increases suicide risk.

• Young people who are consistently depressed, not just having "the blues" once in a while, are potentially at risk.

• Risky behaviors, taking chances, doing dangerous actions are a warning.

• Previous attempts are predictive of future attempts.

• When in doubt GET HELP. Seek consultation with a professional.

      Remember, youth suicide is a national public health problem.  The solution starts with each of us being alert, aware, and caring.  Remember also that there are many solutions to emotional pain, and suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. 

 

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