PART TWO
Preparation
Are You An Overeater? A Check List.
Your doctor, friends, family, nutritionist and calorie tables may
describe your eating as too much, too little or strange. They may describe it as healthy
and within reasonable limits. Only you know the details of your eating habits and the
influence food has in your life.
- Do any of these food related statements describe your experience?
- I eat meal portions larger than necessary.
- I eat privately before eating publicly to disguise how much I eat.
- I'm a "grazer," eating throughout the day and evening.
- I eat alone after being with friends or coworkers.
- I crowd my mind with thoughts about food.
- I starve myself for hours or days to create guilt free eating time.
- I binge. (Classically binge eating involves massive eating in a short
period of time. But while a quart of ice cream may be a binge to one person a small dish
may be a binge to another. If you think or feel you binge, that self defined binge
behavior is something to explore.)
- I vomit or use laxatives to ride myself of food I've eaten.
- I exercise regularly and specifically to burn up calories from what I
think is too much food.
- I have some private rituals regarding certain foods.
- The thread which runs through these behaviors is that you are eating
for reasons other than food hunger. In addition, if eating ranks among the most satisfying
emotional or stress reducing experiences in your life, you may be living with too many
unsatisfying relationships with people.
- Why you live this way may be a secret even from you. Understanding
the link between your undesirable eating habits and neglected aspects of your personal
life can help free you from overeating.
Your journey to freedom from overeating is not easy. Looking at the
rewards you will reap can help sustain you when the going gets tough. As your emotional
dependency on food diminishes you will discover these changes in your life.
- You improve relationships.
- You are more sensitive and attentive to yourself and others.
- You enjoy others more and they enjoy you.
- You become physically more attractive.
- For example:
- Swollen glands shrink.
- Glazed eyes become clear and alert.
- Hair develops a healthy sheen.
- Physical movements become more coordinated and graceful.
- You may be safer.
- You reduce or end your late night trips to grocery stores or fast
food places which may put you in a vulnerable position.
- You reduce the chances of being in car accidents, from fender benders
to major accidents. Such accidents can result when you, the driver, are distracted by food
thoughts or by bingeing in the car.
- You have more time for people and activities when you use the energy
you previously put into food and eating toward something else.
- You are more creative and productive.
- You are able to think more clearly.
- You have more energy for projects you may have considered unreachable
dreams.
- You save money. You spend less on food.
- Emotionally you have more experiences of self confidence, peace and
joy.
- You feel more alive.
The dilemma in your recovery process is that eventually, healing and
triumph require that you face secrets in yourself.
Despite the benefits in freedom, overeating is difficult to stop.
You are using food to stop or prevent yourself from feeling uncomfortable or painful
emotions. Your eating patterns are a solution to difficult emotional experience.
- You may be eating for protection from loneliness and self doubt.
- You may be hiding from your own anger.
- You may feel eating protects you from danger.
Often you don't even know this. What you do know is that you feel
uncomfortable, nervous, irritable and frightened when you try to stop overeating.
These feelings signal that you have secrets from yourself.
Whether you are underweight, normally weighted or overweight, your
eating solution can become a problem. You are tired of the roller coaster ride where you
get control of your eating only to return to old patterns. You are weary of feeling like a
failure when once again you find yourself alone in front of the television eating junk
food. You feel even worse when you are trying to binge on broccoli or sprouts in a futile
attempt to reach emotional oblivion without harming yourself. You know this is all wrong,
but all your efforts to change seem futile.
Your dilemma is that you can change your eating patterns permanently
only if you face and resolve your secrets.
If you follow any reasonable diet regime you will lose or gain
weight, depending on your goal.
However, since diets address behavior alone they strip you of your
protection from your own secrets. No alternative protection is given. As you eat more
appropriately your anxiety can grow until it is unbearable.
With feelings of false power and superiority, or shame, guilt and
relief, you return to the food solution.
Addressing the unknown in yourself is the heart of any useful method
to stop overeating.
If your overeating is a short term and mild problem, you can address
it with this guide and patient friends. If it is a long term or life interfering situation
you will need to include additional forms of help.
Like preparing for any journey, you will need some
equipment. In your case the equipment, while intangible, is essential in coping with
challenges along the way. Similar to other journeys, you will gain expertise with your
equipment and discover new and useful applications by continued practice.
- 1. Honesty.
- You will need honesty. Willingness to be honest with yourself
clarifies your position, gives you more opportunities of choice and opens your eyes and
heart to realistic solutions. The more honest thought you give to your overeating the more
opportunity you give yourself to be free.
Being honest you
will recognize that your unwanted eating patterns serve to numb your feelings and help you
hide from living. The sense of danger which occurs when you do not overeat feels greater
than the suffering you experience because you are overeating. By following the workbook
exercises you will develop the courage you need to dare to face the fears which accompany
a life of not overeating.
- 2. Fully accepting that you don't know all the answers.
- When you know you don't know something, you know something. You
become open, curious and more able to learn.
- Overeaters usually know what conditions contribute to their
overeating. For example they may be familiar with a usual pattern like eating all the
leftovers after a party, or overeating when getting home from work or school when they
know they are going to be alone. But they don't really know why they are doing this.
- Once you know your undesirable food behavior relates to an attempt to
help yourself, you can begin to help yourself in new ways. You are at the point of
starting your triumphant journey.
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- 3. Increased self awareness.
- Self awareness is also part of your equipment. As you become more
aware of your emotional states during the times you are vulnerable to overeating, you can
discover clues about your inner secrets.
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- 4. A willingness to learn to recognize limits.
- Part of honesty and self awareness is the ability to recognize
limits. When you recognize the limits of what you know or can do for yourself, you may
feel anxious. Learning to tolerate this and be willing to learn something new helps you
discover new opportunities.
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- 5. A willingness to learn to allow other people to help.
- You can overeat, starve or purge alone. You may not be able to stop
these behaviors alone. Part of your journey involves a discriminating acceptance of other
people's ideas and efforts.
Over time, with practice and
growing strength, you can develop this discriminating acceptance of others. But for
beginning your journey, all you need is the willingness to try.
- 6. Appreciation of realistic time.
- Overeating numbs you quickly but temporarily. Permanent change takes
substantial time to develop. Going from the fast numbing relief of overeating to the
gradual development of genuine strength and feeling requires a sense of patience and
acceptance of real time.
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- 7. Kindness.
- Perhaps the most difficult to use and most essential to carry in your
equipment bag is kindness. Sometimes your journey will be arduous and you will be tempted
to be severe with yourself. More powerful than any harsh criticism, kindness and gentle
encouragement will sustain you. Daily reading out loud of the affirmations in Appendix B
can be reinforcing and help you develop this most needed piece of equipment - kindness to
yourself.
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Return to Triumphant Journey Index
Proceed to Part Three
Copyright © 1992 by Joanna
Poppink. All
rights reserved
Joanna Poppink, M.F.T., licensed #15563 by the State of California in 1980
as a Marriage and Family Therapist. She is a private practice
psychotherapist in Los Angeles. She specializes in working
with people
with eating disorders and with people who are trying to understand and help
a loved one with an eating disorder.
Contact Information:
10573 West Pico Blvd. #20
Los Angeles, CA 90064
http://www.joannapoppink.com
(310) 474-4165 phone
joanna.poppink@verizon.net
